Things I'll Never Say
by whimsicalMedley
Summary: Win Solace noticed Nina di Angelo the second she saw her. It would take years, and plenty of heartache, for Nina to notice her too. (PJO Genderbend AU)


**I've had this AU in my head since _forever._ It's my fav (the world needs more wlw). Here's all you need to know for this particular story:**

 **Win Solace = Will Solace  
** **Nina di Angelo = Nico di Angelo  
Percie Jackson = Percy Jackson  
Andrew Chase = Annabeth Chase  
Lin Fletcher = Lee Fletcher  
Michelle Yew = Michael Yew**

 **Everyone is genderbent except for the gods/goddesses, mortal parents, mythical creatures (Chiron, Grover, Coach Hedge, etc.), Rachel, Thalia, and Bianca. Rachel is still a girl bc she's the Oracle, and the Oracle is a girl. Thalia and Bianca are still girls bc they need to join the Hunters.**

 **This will be a series, and I'll inform you of who's who before each chapter!**

* * *

Winifred Solace is eleven when she sees her.

The little girl stumbling out of a bus that was crashed into the lake (her _dad's_ bus), and Win can't help but feel a little cheated. Her dad had been _so_ close. The daughter of Apollo had talked to her dad once in her life. He came to her in a dream after she had come out as bisexual, telling her how proud he was of her for being so brave, and then proceeded to mentally scar her with his escapades throughout the centuries. But as Win watched Percie Jackson, Thalia Grace, and a bunch of girls walk towards the Big House, she couldn't help but notice the little dark haired girl look a bit dejected.

As the weeks move on, Win learned that the girl she saw was named Nina di Angelo, she was ten years old, and her two great loves in the world were Mythomagic and her older sister, Bianca. Bianca had left on a quest with Thalia and a girl named Zoë, but of course Percie had snuck off too. Persephone Jackson was reckless, but even more so when Andrew Chase was in trouble. Win wondered if she'd ever find someone that would look at her the way that those two looked at each other.

Win was drawn to Nina di Angelo, and she had absolutely no idea why. They had never really talked, but Win _wanted_ them to. She wanted to know Nina di Angelo. She wanted to know what her favorite color was, what she wanted to do with her life, what her wildest dreams were. At eleven years old, Win didn't really understand what that meant, but she didn't care much.

After about a week of deliberation, Win finally worked up the courage to talk to Nina. She had sat down in the patch of grass next to the dark haired girl, stuck her hand out, and proudly said, "I'm Win Solace, daughter of Apollo!"

Nina blinked in surprise, but a smile slowly crept onto her face. She took her hand. Win tucked her blonde curls behind her ear, and her blue eyes shone with happiness. This could work.

When Percie came back without Bianca di Angelo, when Nina di Angelo ran from everything and everyone, Win felt like she was punched in the gut.

Win would silently pine over Nina, wondering if she was okay, if she was happy, if she was smiling. Win loved her smile. It was open and honest and sweet. It was beautiful to look at.

Suddenly, that didn't matter. The Battle of the Labyrinth came quickly. She had caught a glimpse of Nina, and Win couldn't believe that was what she had become. Her skin was pale, her clothes were black, and her eyes were dead. But it didn't matter.

Suddenly, her older sister Lin was dead.

Lin Fletcher, the girl who had welcomed Win to camp with open arms. Lin, who had taught her everything she knew about healing. Lin, her role model, her camp counselor, her _sister._ Win felt numb. She wanted to scream, and cry, and throw something. Twelve year olds shouldn't have to deal with this.

Win cried herself to sleep for months.

Eventually, Win coped. She had no other choice. There was a war coming, and she had to be ready.

* * *

Win was certain that if Christianity's hell was real, this is what it would look like.

Bodies everywhere, bodies of her friends and siblings. Blood everywhere. Groans of agony, screams that were abruptly cut short, and the constant clang of swords. Win was tired, out of arrows, and out of options. Nina had come with her father, she had saved them, but Win was losing steam fast. Cursing under her breath and unsheathing the dagger strapped to her thigh, she began to weave her way through monsters. The thirteen year old had never really been a skilled fighter, but this was an exception. Maybe it was because she had prayed to her father. Maybe it was the fact that Michelle Yew, head of the Apollo cabin, had died, and she was next in command. All Win knew was that these monsters had killed so many of her friends, her _family,_ and she would make sure that they all burned.

An unexpected blow to her shoulder had Win crying out in pain, and she dropped like a stone. A demigod stood over her, a leer on his face, and the daughter of Apollo closed her eyes. This was it.

But then, it wasn't.

The demigod was struck on the head, and he crumpled. Nina di Angelo stood there, like a goddamn superhero ("she is," Win thought), offering Win a hand.

"We've won. There's no need to give up now." She said, her expression blank. Win wondered if Nina remembered her, remembered the times they sat together right before curfew, as Nina tried to teach Win how to play Mythomagic. Win desperately hoped she did.

Realizing she was just gawking, Win hurriedly took Nina's hand and smiled.

"Thank you." Win breathed, and then Nina was gone.

* * *

After the Titan War, things were relatively calm.

Win was busy tending to the wounded, and each death was a blow to her heart. She was a healer. She was supposed to _save_ people, not let them die. Rationally, Win knew it wasn't her fault, that she had tried her best with every single demigod. But there was that pestering voice that said she didn't.

With how busy Win was, she never got a chance to talk to Nina. Win saw how the others treated the daughter of Hades, and it made her furious. Nina was _twelve._ She wasn't her father. Nina had saved them, and this was how she was repaid? After Nina left, Win realized what this feeling was.

Win was head over heels for Nina di Angelo, and the girl had no idea who she was.

" _Why would a person like that concern herself with a person like you?"_ Her brain would taunt, " _she's a hero. She's the type of person that has their story told for centuries You're just some daughter of Apollo."_

That was a difficult year.

* * *

When Win was fifteen years old, she finally saw Nina di Angelo again, and she wanted to throttle her.

Nina obviously wasn't taking care of herself. She was skin and bones, there were dark circles under her eyes, and her completion was a waxy gray. Win was going to kill her.

As Nina ranted about how she wasn't wanted, that she was an outcast, doomed to be alone forever, Win wanted to scream. She'd been pining over her since she was _eleven._ She wanted Nina to be safe and happy. The whole " _I'm a child of Hades so I'm automatically feared by everyone"_ made Win absolutely furious. Who had made her feel that way? Why did she think so little of herself? Couldn't she see how _amazing_ she was?

If that wasn't enough, then Octavia showed up, and Win lost it. Maybe her insults weren't the best (anemic loser? Really?), but the fact that her father favored this power hungry lunatic over her kinda stung. Then, the girl was dead, and Win was slightly horrified that she didn't feel too bad.

Win ordered Nina to come to the infirmary for three days, saying "doctor's orders," and was surprised when it worked.

* * *

Those three days went by too quickly.

Win loved having Nina there. She was happy that Nina was actually on the way to being healthier, and that she had willingly come. As the days went by, Win got to know a bit about Nina. She found out that Nina refused to drink any coffee that wasn't Italian brewed. She found out that Nina had a beautiful singing voice when she sang a lullaby to a boy who had a nightmare. Finally, Win learned that Nina di Angelo was possibly the best person she'd ever met.

Of course, she had flaws. She was just as stubborn as Win was, leading to some showdowns. She held one heck of a grudge. Nina also hated getting help, no matter how much she needed it. Win practically had to strap her down to the bed sometimes. Despite this, Win became even more enamored.

Even after Nina was cleared, she would still come in. She'd help with the patients, help with the paperwork, and sometimes just sit and watch. Win loved it. They grew closer, and they got to know each other. Nina's favorite color was dark green ("My sister had a hat the exact color," she once admitted), and when she was younger, she had wanted to be a singer.

Win didn't know how it happened, but they somehow got to the topic of sexual orientations. Nina had froze, and Win just smiled.

"I mean, I'm bisexual, so I really can't judge anyone. You love who you love, y'know?" Nina's eyes widened, and she let out a breath.

"...I'm gay." She whispered, and Win beamed at her.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, Neen. Would it be okay if I hugged you?" A jerky nod from Nina was all the daughter of Apollo needed, and she quietly gathered Nina into her arms. Neither of them said anything about the tears trailing down Nina's face.

As the months passed, Win and Nina became inseparable. Nina made sure her schedule lined up with Win's, and Win gave Chiron the doctor's note that stated Nina had to sit at the Apollo table for medical reasons (they had laughed at Chiron's bemused expression for weeks afterwards). Win knew how to make Nina laugh, and she knew when Nina needed her space. Nina knew how to drag Win out of the infirmary, and constantly reassured her that she wasn't a failure for losing patients. Win couldn't help but smile every time Nina interacted with her siblings, because it was all so natural. They weren't scared of her. In fact, nobody at camp really was anymore. Nina di Angelo was just another demigod hero, and Camp Half-Blood had plenty of those.

Win knew she was totally gone for this girl, but she didn't know what to do.

Every Friday, Win would spend the night in Nina's cabin. Win would paint Nina's nails (she only allowed black, which made Win roll her eyes), and Nina would braid Win's long, curly hair, considering her own hair only went to her shoulders. They'd watch crappy horror movies that the daughter of Hades would laugh at and Win would pretend to not be scared.

One of those Fridays in December, Nina's head was laying in Win's lap as she read a book. Win was content to just stare down at the fourteen year old. She had changed so much. Her pale skin was now an olive color, she had gained some much needed weight, and her once black eyes were now a rich brown. She wasn't happy yet, she still had nightmares and self doubt, but she was on the way.

"What're you looking at, Sunshine?" Nina murmured, glancing up at Win and smiling so sweetly that Win's chest ached.

"You're gorgeous." Win said, just before she could stop herself. Both of their eyes widened, and Nina's face turned a bright red.

"I uh-I mean...I was just-" Win was starting to ramble, her own cheeks flaming. The intense expression on Nina's face wasn't helping either.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, sighing in resignation, "I...I like you Nina. Like, in a more than friends way. If I'm being totally honest here I have for years, and I just-I can't really keep it to myself anymore because you _know_ how bad I am with secrets, and I completely understand if you're not comfortable with me anymore-" Win was cut off when Nina yanked her by the collar and kissed her. It took a second for it to register, but when it did, Win just about melted.

Kissing Nina di Angelo was fireworks and laughter. It was comfort, and safety, and _home,_ and Win was positive that this was one of the best things to ever happen to her. When they pulled apart to breathe, the daughter of Apollo couldn't help the broad grin on her face.

"You…?" She whispered, and Nina nodded.

"For awhile." Nina replied, meeting Win's gaze steadily.

Win couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up from her throat. Soon, she was laughing so hard that tears were leaking out of her eyes, and Nina eventually joined in.

"You're sure about this?" Win asked when they had both calmed down, "I mean, I can be kind of annoying."

Nina flicked her on the temple and rolled her eyes.

"Yes I'm sure, you dork. Gods, we're dumb."

Win grabbed Nina's hand, and smiled brightly at her.

"Well then, Nina di Angelo. Would you do me the honor of officially being my girlfriend?" Nina rolled her eyes, but she was smiling just as widely.

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

 **Come harass me on tumblr: heroic-hufflepuff**


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